The Internalized Misogyny of Women: Sisterhood or Sabotage?

 “A woman’s true enemy is always a woman”, I said to my friend just as they looked at me confuzzled. 

It’s not a really common saying , to be fair, however this topic easily runs deep within every female. When you think of internalized misogyny, it’s easy to picture men upholding outdated stereotypes and maintaining systemic biases. But did you know that women can be their own worst critics? That’s right—sometimes, the biggest critics of women’s rights and roles are women themselves. The very root of this problem can be detected from the earliest days:

High school

Where do I even begin? 

If you are currently in high school, or just graduated (like us), I'm sure you will remember that charmingly chaotic period of life where everything was a social experiment? From the very beginning, girls are taught to measure themselves against impossible standards. Popularity contests, beauty standards, and social hierarchies became the norm. We all had that one friend who, despite being kind and smart, was silently ostracized for not fitting the "ideal" mold. Why? Because the subtle, unspoken rules dictated that anyone who didn't fit in had to be pushed out. 

The same dynamics play out in friendship circles. Women often perpetuate unrealistic beauty standards and social norms, with little regard for how these impact each other. Whether it's the “thin is in” mentality or the pressure to look effortlessly perfect at all times, the beauty standards set by women for women can be relentless. And when someone doesn’t fit the mold—be it due to body shape, fashion choices, or lifestyle—they’re often judged more harshly by women than by men. 

Society often highlights how men dominate leadership roles, but let’s not forget the social hierarchies among women themselves. It's not just about who’s the boss; it's about who’s perceived as the most stylish, the most intelligent, or the most 'successful.' Women, in their quest for approval and validation, sometimes become gatekeepers of these arbitrary hierarchies, policing each other’s behaviors and choices more vigorously than men ever could. 

Oftentimes this seeps into culture as well, including Hindu culture, there are deeply ingrained standards of beauty and behavior for women. These standards are often perpetuated by women within these cultures. For instance, the emphasis on fair skin, traditional attire, or specific manners of behaving is not just a societal norm but a standard enforced by women themselves. Women who don’t conform are sometimes subjected to subtle, yet hurtful, criticisms from other women. 

It’s fascinating and disheartening how women sometimes become the enforcers of the very standards that limit them. Take the “ideal” woman trope in many cultures: someone who’s thin, fair-skinned, and perfectly poised. Women who don’t meet these criteria are often subtly ostracized, receiving passive-aggressive remarks or exclusion from social circles. It’s as if there’s an unspoken agreement to maintain these standards, even at the expense of fellow women’s well-being.

So, why is it that women can be so hard on each other? Part of it might stem from internalized beliefs about worth and success, deeply influenced by societal expectations. The more women internalize these expectations, the more they might project them onto others. Ironically, the quest for acceptance and approval can lead women to become each other’s harshest critics.

In the end, it’s worth noting that the most significant barrier to women’s empowerment can sometimes be their own actions toward each other. The internalized misogyny that women direct at other women often goes unnoticed, yet it can be more damaging than the external pressures imposed by men. It’s time to challenge these norms, support one another, and realize that our true allyship lies in lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down.

So, let’s cut each other some slack and remember: women aren’t each other’s enemies. Let’s be allies instead. I will never forget how after I commented that women’s true enemy is often other women, my friend responded:

“The real enemy isn’t women—it’s the outdated standards that divide us.”